h- a- (n-) d- (g-) ew/e- (re-) d-
tidying up my notes, and taps on my desk top. when i was looking for painting work / gigs on craigslist, when i understood, working with/ for james in new hampshire was a sinking ship, not building value to start with, and handily spinning a tune he cares very much for a quality venue, in process of some how, never having money to pay you for the work that would produce well and e/b (i) tu (r) fxf t . it seems spinning a t-a- (i-) L/L- (e-) D- e/b- (i-) t- (b-) a- (i-) L/L- (0-re-) D- I/S - his claim to fame and forte - vain- d- (h-) id- (bu-) e- ye- (a-) t- 0/0- L- (D-) i-ve- (i-) d- (g-) ew/e- (re-) d- anyway, that sinking ship, combined with a probable drug problem, never having money to pay the (real) workers for painting jobs completed. i looked on craigslist, contacted this portland outfit, name is matt, on the contact. contacted matt via my fabric8 email. he responded back as i was leaving my apt / got the message on my phone / tried to reply from the parking area, but didn't work / went back to my apt and responded to his interest in me as a painter for his company ... with my xubrnt email handle, and, w-t-f- didn't respond. yes i pulled tarot cards. seems he felt bad about being a shyster , however it is also how the dumb- (f-) uck- t- maintains g- (u-) i- L/L- t- 0/0- L- (h-) a- (n-) d- 0/u- (be-) t- hie-ven- (d- ) s- p- (L-) an- (d-) s- - (t-) 0/0- t- (h-) re- ad- (s-) ew/e- (re-) d-
does dumb-(f-) uck-t- know zach dorfman in portland maine, where i was now seeking work in my very own back yard ? or was it my most recent hand delivered marketing in the area ?
i don't know, however i do know, not feeding the value w/e i.d. to exist among- (0-d-) ew/e- (re-) d- is negligence, making the shame - (n-) d- 0-f- (t- h-) i-r- (e-d-) s- (t-) e- L/L- (D-)(h-) e- ye- i-d- e/b- (i-) t- heir- e- d- (s-) 0- w/- (a-r-) e- d-
what else ? listened to manna's cancer reading, about feeling fear, after the fact i experienced that, like fear in not knowing, you know, how to pay rent and eat, when every "one" is running away from me "knowingly" - e- (a-) t- 0/0-t- (h-) ass- (m-) at- (h-) e- n- (d-) ew/e- (re-) d-
i decided not to feel the fear / "i/t" wasn't real, and contacted roger about painting, where i am currently working ... without a 2 hr plus commute , gas and tolls and wear on my car / tires, and a better starting pay rate, and without chasing getting paid, (after doing the work) all the wile causing my bank to claim money -2- for not having enough money in the bank to meet - heir- e- min-i-mum-s- (t-) 0- d- (h-) at- (bu-) e- ye- i- g- ht- (h-) ass- (m-) at- (h-) e- re- d/d- (h-) e- ye- (a-) t- (e-) a- g/g- re- g- (re-) at- e- (n-) d- 0f- t- (h-) ass- (m-) i- s/s- (t-) a- ke- (n-) d- (g-) ew/e- (re-) d- 0- (f-) t- (h-) rue- w/e- (re-) d- (s-) ew/e- (re-) d- e/b- (i-) t- (h-) rue- w/e- (re-) d-
i like my hair, that i cut (0) f/f a (i) r (h) e AD ~ h a (n) d e/b (i) t heir ~ (h) e ad (s) 0 w/a r (h) e AD ~ ew/e i.d. ~ e/b (i) t (h)(b) ass k (r) ew/e (L/L) i.d. ~ (h) i.d. ew/e (i) t (h) rue w/e (L/L) i.d.
i like my hair, straight in the front, curls in the back c (u r L) s
c u (r) L/L s .
as luck would have it, i am earning money and my birthday is coming up and i am still very into one piece dressing, both in woven jumpsuits / coveralls, overalls & for (bodysuits) working out at the gym. carbon 38 had a sale, and i could get many fashion forward , and/or, quality designed / material / well made active wear, and i bought many at what would now be a reasonable price, on their no return policy.
what i found, and felt modestly guilty, spending about $400 dollars, is that i prefer the 'edie' by vaara, a classic black and white striped, graceful , easy.
I like the boat neck front, and long dip in the back, and ultra matte fabric. This wasn't my first preference looking at it online. what is different in person, is the fabric is W0W really nice, construction is immaculate, white thread on white stripe, black on black, subtley festive lining (pink and red). it is made really well, and fits and feels really well. and feels like a natural classic vs a trend.
gigi bodysuit, makes me feels 'snazzy' which to me, tends to make me feel "fashionably" contrived. i felt bad about the no return policy b.c. i bought all these jumpsuits, b.c. i could afford them on sale, so then i can try them on and see what i like.
i like the classic vaara, and attributes i didn't get by looking.
however, as luck would have it. td bank sent me a letter saying they were moving my business banking acct to another, well, ledger / rules and structure, and a quick read informs me they will be charging $25 a month maintenance fee. (L -?-)
then i get a postcard from keybank in the area, and if i open a bank acct with a minimum $500 deposit and make 8 transactions a month, there is no maintenance fee. so i opened the keybank acct with the check from roger this week, and some how, i feel good about my birthday present to me , for free, and feel good about the gigi.
look, it is snazzy. i feel more comfortable with the 'character' of the edie by vaara. that said, gigi / plus for free, i think i will feel pretty happy about wearing it, fuss free, & snazzy, and afford myself the opportunity to 'dress up' to thus 'mix it up.'
in a way, getting paid to open the new key bank bank acct, lifted the burded of price for the edie, and all the others, and i can get on with wearing them, to go to the gym, mixing my wardrobe, and not subconsciously carrying the guilt of paying for something that doesn't 100% suit me : wearing for free suits me well enough, and it still qualifies as a jumpsuit / bodysuit / one piece, which is my preference.
the gigi / i bought the black. it is well made, and now that it is free / via the new bank account offer, i am really into wearing it
my shoulders hurt. left started to hurt with work at the post office / usps. now the right hurts, working in the trades, lifting ladders, being mostly right handed painting/ sanding/ scraping overhead. i asked a couple of guys at the gym, what they do. i prefaced that i bought bengay (menthol) and if they used hot/cold. one guy said he prefers ice, and another said he used lidocaine, over menthol based.
in my sleep, thought of these things:
ad ab i
ad (a) b / i
it hung out
h (u/n) g
h (u/n = e) g/g 0/d (r) ew/e i.d.
my parents are both 'horses' in chinese astrology
the "whole" dynamic of james- t- (a-) g- (r-) ew/e- (re-) d- is j- a- (i-) me- (i-d-) s- (k-) i- d-(e-)d- 0-0-0-0- w/e- (i-) t- (h-) rue- w/e- (re-) d- (g-) ew/e- (re-) d-
thats it , in a "nut- (u-) s- (h-) e- L/L- (e-) D-" (g-) ew/e- (re-) d- - (h-) e- vain- (d-)(g-) ew/e- (re-) d- - e/b- (i-) t- (b-) ass- k- (r- )ew/e- (re-) d-
i also doubled on the brand yelete, vintage / mottled wine color with top that fits well and incredible price, and nylon, my favorite to work out in. i love to use this brand for cardio / wicks moisture well, and strong / nylon, bounces back = low maintenance, no fuss, get to work, easy peasy, looks good, feels good, wears good, washes well, and lasts . great roi : return on investment. i now have 2 wine, and one black
i need a chiro adjustment. my chiro john witkowski is on vacation. i called his office thurs with no reply. called later that day, and voice message said he was on vacation for the week of sept 9th, but it wasn't the week of the ninth, it was the week before the 9th when i called... also looking for a new chiropractor...
striking out on my own, i have found magnesium oil does really work to relax my muscles : forearms burn every night / waking up my sleep, along with my stiff neck that is jammed and twisted torso.
i tried this brand at Lois, on my forearms, and walked away, and came back, b.c. i felt my forearms felt relaxed. thought it might help the burning sensation that comes in the middle of the night, during the work week, a precursor to carpal tunnel syndrome. i stretch a lot , a lot, a lot. however i feel the burn after every work day, and if i am lucky sunday night on my weekend off, i do not feel the burn.
trying to think outside the box, with things i can do independently, to not normalize aches and pains, and create modality to encompass healthy frame (n) d (s) 0 w/ (h) a ye i.d.
state of being -a- w/- (h-) 0/m- (b-) e- (n-) d- (g-)(r-) a- f-x-f- t- (h-) e- r-eeL- (h-) a- (n-) d- 0-f-x-f- (t-) a- L/L- t-
this is old news, s-he- (i/s-) t- doesn't have anything tu- s- (h-) e- L/L- (D-)(G-) ew/e- (re-) d- e/b- (i-) t- (h-)rue- w/e- (re-) d- (j-) u-d- (g-) ew/e- (re-) d-
- f- x- f- 0-r- (k-) t- (h-) 0- w/-(h-) 0-r- (e-) d- (g-)(s-u/s-) ew/e- (re-) d- e/b- (i-) t- (h-) rue- w/e- (re-) d-
"you" ye-we- are creating - (0-d-) s- (h-) i/t- in your - (h-) im- ag- e- vain- (d-) ew/e- (re-) d-
(j-) u-s- t- (a- b-) e- am- (e-) u-s- e- (re-) d- (g-) ew/e- (re-) d- h- a- (n-)d- (s-) ew/e- (re-) d-
0-f- (t-) 0-r- (k-) t- (b-) u/n- (d-) ew/e- (re-) d- (j-) u-d- (g-) e- w/e- (re-) d- e/b- (i-) t- (h-) rue- w/e- (re-) d-
w/e (L/L) i.d.
t (0) g e t/h e re ye (a) t 0/0 t/h (a) d ew/e i.d. ~ (i/s) h (ea.ven) d (kn) ew/e (L/L) i.d. ~ e/b (i) t (h) e x (t) p0 s e (i.) d. ~ e/b (i) t (h) ass (kn) ew/e i.d. ~ e/b t 0/d ew/e (L/L) i.d. e/b (i) t (h) ass (kn) 0 w/e (L/L) i.d. (h) i.d. e w/(h) e (a) ve (in)n (kn) ew/e i.d.~ e/b t (b) ass k (r) ew/e r (h) e ad ~ ew/e i.d. ~ g's (m) u s/s (t) e i.d. ~ (h) 0 ve i.d. h a(n)d (j) 0 b (r) e (a) d 0 (fxf) t ~ (b) 0/0 t (b) 0 s/s (L) 0/t ~ t 0/g e t 0ff t h (b) 0ugh t ~ (b) aLL (D) 0/t (ass) augh t ~ 0/0 t (h) rue w/e (L/L) i.d.
(a) t 0/0 L (e) ass (k) t (h) e ad e/b (i) t (h) rue w/e (L/L) i.d.
sun = s (e/e) u/n ~ (d) 0/n e ~ ve (in) n (d) 0/n e ~ w/e r (h) e ad (s) ew/e (L/L) i.d.~ (s) 0 (fxf) t ~ (h) rue w/e (L/L) i.d.
i renewed a down comforter in industrial (mink) satin for min 0. he has chewed it before, and i have taken the down out and put into a new cover to restore. i was thinking as i was threading the needle on the sewing machine, i can't really see, with my contacts, yet i can thread the needle without seeing the hole, b.c. i know where the hole is relative to the needle shaft. experience gives me this 'hat' this orientation, to proceed p.r. 0 's e/e (i) d (b) e am (b) e (n) d : experience with myself doing what i have all (t) a (i) r (h) e ad (h) e ye (i.d.)(s) p (L) an (d) s ~ (t) am (b) e (n) d
i like miriam, she is a hard worker, bu-t-t- she is -t- not honestly relating. she didn't actually supply the time n d (e/b t) 0ff (t/h d) at (bu) e ye i/g ht ~ 0/0 t/h (a) d ew/e i.d.
september 9 th
black w/h 0'L (e) D
black w/h 0'L (e) D (g) e r (h) e ad ~ ew/e i.d.
m0 s e (i.d.) s
(h) a p/p (ea) L (h) e ye (i.d.) s
t (h) an (d) ew/e i.d.
ew/e (i) t (h) rue w/e (L/L) i.d.
(s) u/s t (c) a in a/b (e) L/L (h) e (ye) AD
ew/e (ad) s
after work, i massaged the magnesium oil into my forearms, and massaged with weleda arnica oil, and... my forearms did not burn last night in my sleep. (i also applied a little bengay).
nice to know, my new modality for taking care of myself, actually works, on my very own e s t u (r) fxf t
so awesome, day 2, magnesium oil massage, arnica oil massage, bengay, forearms didn't burn. thought for sure they would, painting a closet with shelving hardware in place, supporting the roller, with one hand, and pressing
magnesium oil, it is more of a salt liquid
working in the closet at work, left the shelving hardware in place, and worked around it & got 'tagged' a lot, working / painting in a tight space. i did a masterful job, in the sense, i didn't remove the hardware (so i had to put it back together again / assemble), and painted around it, without touching / getting any paint on it.: cut well, don't put paint on, don't have to take it off.
trim : doing the trim: i prefer to roll trim paint, b.c. i am working with 'highly reflective' paint, and rolling allows me to build opacity in one coat.
what is your crusade -? -
(g-i-ve- (i-) t- im- (b-) e- (n-) d- e/b- (i-) t- (h-)(c-L-) ass- (m-) at- (bu-) e- ye- (a-) t- (b-) e- (n-) d- (g-) ew/e- (re-) d- e/b- (i-) t- (h-) rue- w/e- (re-) d- (j-) 0-b- (L-) e- (a-) t- (h-) e- re- (d-) s- c- (r-) u- ew/e- (re-) d-
what is your "crusade" ?
speaking on the me- 0/n-e-(ye-) i-d- ye- w/e- L/L- (D-) e- (f-) t- (b-) i/t- (b-) 0- w/-(h-) 0-r- (e-) d- (g-)(s-us-)ew/e- (re-) d-
you are speaking on the "money" -2- t- 0-w/-(h-) 0-r- (e-) d- you left it -0- w/-(h-) 0-r- (e-) d- (b-) serve- (re-) d-
thinking of stupid to c-u/p- id- e/b- (i-) t- 0/0- t- (h-) re- ad- (g-) ew/e- (re-) d- (j-) u-d- (g-) ew/e- (re-) d-
g- (u-) i- L/L- (t-) e- ye- (i-d-) p- (L-) e- a- s/s- u- re- (d-) s- (t-) a- g- u- (i-) L/L- (t-) e- ye- (i-d-) p- (L-) e- a- s/s- u- re- (d-) s- t- (h-) an- (d-)(g-) ew/e- (re-) d- e/b- (i-) t- (h-) rue- w/e- (re-) d- guilty pleasures, b.c. e- ye- w/e- didn't give time (e) t (0) w/h 0/d ew/e i.d.
g r (e) a t e (n) d e/b (i) t 0/0 t/h (a) d ew/e i.d.
g- (u-) i- L/L- (t-) e- ye- (i-d-) p- Le- a- s/s- u- re- (d-) s- t- (e-) ye- w/e- (re-) d- (h-) only gave time t- (b-) ass- k- (r-) ew/e- (re-) d- ?-
there is nothing behind t- he- w/- (h-) a- L/L- (e-) D- (g-) ew/e- (re-) d- there is nothing of value w/e (L/L) i.d. ~ e/b (i) t 0/0 t/h e re (ad) s t 0'r (h) e AD ~ ew/e i.d.
my gps directions while at work :
saco: to (td) bank>: spring street, quarter mile turn left on to temple street, or left green street, left on pearl street, left on elm, then temple : to paint store (sherwin williams) > right on south street, left on may street (dearborn), right on alfred : back to saco / roebuck : scamman street , north street ... passed robertson street and foley street there and back...
when i pay attention to my 'day to day' reality, i feel somehow i am in an alternative 'liquid' universe
what else > notes from the night
stage agree s- (t-) a- g- (r-) e- (e-) d- (g-) ew/e- (re-) d-
i have a way to weigh t 0/0 t/h (a) d ew/e i.d.
w/h e ye i.d.
w/(h) e/i g ht
w/(h) e (ye) i/g ht
w/(h) a ye i.d. ew/e i.d.
i feel the need to mention this, steve "liked" to sleep with his college aged adopted daughter, when we were in a "relationship"
t ~ (r) e/n (d) ew/e i.d. (s) a b/b (e) L/L (h) e (ye) AD ~ ew/e i.d.~ (h) in (d) e s/s t (h) e AD
t ~ (r) e s/s i' L/L (i) e (n) t ~ 0/0 t/h (a) d ew/e i.d. (j) 0 b (e) at (ch) at (ch) 0/0 t (h) rue w/e (L/L) i.d. h a'n (d) ew/e a.d. (h) 0 c (h) an (d) g e (i/s) t 0 w/(h) 0'r (e a) D (kn) ew/e (i.d.) s
el- e- c-t- r/i- c- i/t- e- ye- i-d- e/b- (i-) t- 0/0- L-i/g- ht- he- n- (d-)(g-) ew/e- (re-) d- e/b- (i-) t- (h-) rue- w/e- (re-) d- (j-) 0-be- (a-) t- 0- w/- (h-) 0-r- (e-) d- (g-)(s-) ew/e- (re-) d- (kn-) 0- w/e- (re-) d- (s-) p- (r-) 0- (0-) f- (i-) t- 0/0- t- h- (r-) e- ad- (s-) ew/e- (re-) d-
me- (a-) t- (b-) a- L/L- (e-) D- s- (t-) and- (s-) p- (L-) a- s/s- t- i- c- (k-t-) s- (t-) and- (h-) aLL- t- he- re- (d-) s- (t-) 0- f-x-f- (i-) t- - (b-) a- g- e- (i-s-) t- (he-ad-) 0-f-x-f- (i-) t- 0/0- L- (b-) e- (n-) d- i/t- (h-) rue- w/e- (re-) d- (j-) u-d- (g-) ew/e- (re-) d- (s-) 0-w/- (a-r-) e- (d-) c- re- (a-) d- (h-)(b-) i/t- heir- e- d- (s-) ew/e- (re-) d- h- a- (n-)d- s- t- (h-) and- (j-) e- s- (m-) u- s/s- (t-) e- (re-) d- 0- f- (t-) 0- L/L-(D-) 0 w/- (h-) e- (re-) d- (kn-) ew/e- (re-)(d-) s- (t-) e- x- (t-) p-0- s- e- (re-) d- e/b- (i-) t- (b-) a- g- (r-) 0- (w/e-)(re-) d- e/b- (i-) t- (b-) ass- (kn-) 0- w/e- (re-) d-